When to let your daughter begin dating
When to let your daughter begin dating - Sex Chat
Ray Guarendi As a family psychologist, I am often asked by parents when their children should begin dating. Let’s suppose that you’ve decided to begin dating discussions when your daughter turns 16.
But here are some general guidelines from my experience: 1. What is quite different these days is that you are almost as likely to be questioned by your peers, the parents of your children’s friends, They will say: “These are different times. Once you are confident your son or daughter has met these standards, sit them down, let them know how much you admire who they are and who they’re becoming. In fact, age makes all the difference in the world, when you introduce single dating to a kid. You just can’t really do anything about it until you are sixteen.” And here’s why. You show respect for her.” And then, I think our job as dads is to do the same thing for the guys who come knocking on the door to take out our daughters. That’s kind of fun bravado, but when you sit down, heart-to-heart, and say, “Look. We were very deliberate about it, and we wanted to raise her up to be an extraordinary woman and a great wife someday. But as you take her out, please know I expect you to treat her with respect, to make sure that she is always safe, to make wise choices, and to keep your hands where they belong. And should this not work out, I assume that you are just dating, and I don’t assume any future out of this, but if you guys get really attracted and it doesn’t work out, I expect you to be reverent and kind to her feelings if you have to break up, and I expect her to be reverent and kind to yours, too.” When they knew that was the rules going in, it made it a whole lot easier to get through life. With our kids, we could never stop them from liking somebody—nor would we want to. Well, this just makes sense, but the numbers were extraordinary. You say, “Well, one of the reasons why is there is not too many years left before they graduate.” Well, it’s more than that. See, one year of my life is just a small little proportion of it, but when I was back to twelve, thirteen years old, when it represents 8%-9% of your life, well, that’s a lot of growing up. If your kids starts at twelve years old dating somebody, they have a 93% chance that they are going to lose their virginity by high school. And so, when you have your kids wait until they are older, you set them up to make far better choices, be able to resist more, and have a better goal in mind for what they want to have when they finally get married. Dads, it’s our job to run interference for our kids. We need to sit our boys down when they start to date, and tell them, “This is what I expect of you when you take a girl out. You don’t take her to parties where there’s drugs or alcohol or anything she is going to be exposed to that is going to undermine her. You don’t have to be cleaning your guns and all that stuff.
If we don’t, boy, we throw them out there to the predators of our culture that could really do a lot of damage.
Circle of Moms member Lynn W., whose sixth grade son is among the youngest in his class, worries that some of his friends already have girlfriends.
This said, it is a simple truth of life that if you act differently from the way the majority does, you will be misunderstood by most.
Nothing at all is to be gained from premature, opposite-sex involvement through dating, or for that matter, through the phone, dances, parties, or games kids love.
Then tell them, “Just three more years, and you can date.” Just kidding -- sort of.
Dating is a big part of a teenager’s life, and that’s our cultural way for kids to get to know each other and hopefully find the person they are ultimately going to marry. Now, let me separate between single dating and group dating. Some great work was done by Josh Mc Dowell in a campaign that he did, and he found out that the younger a kid starts dating, the more apt they are to lose their virginity by the time they graduate from high school. If you wait until they are sixteen, it’s down to 20%. When you figure a year’s time—365 days in the life of a young person—it’s an amazing amount of maturity that’s happening in that time. Dads say, “Well, I’m scared to death to do that.” Well, you know, I don’t want to be blunt, but we need to cowboy up on this one.